Cheryl JI think have Oldtimer’s Disease! (including great video)
May 19th 2008 13:11
Now I don’t consider myself even close to being old but tell that to my mind and body, who seem to have packed their bags and have headed off on a one way trip to Oldsville. I’d join them but I can’t find my keys.
I have noticed recently that my eyesight is getting pretty shabby. I used to wear glasses for distance a number of years ago and then – tada – out of the blue my vision was much better and the glasses were ditched but now it seems that going blind isn’t nearly as much fun as getting blind. Who knew? My depth perception in the dark has been ever so slightly changing so that when I’m driving at night I’m moving a little further away from parked cars because it’s getting harder to judge the distance and I have an aversion to sideswiping someone’s precious Beemer with my junky Laser.
I don’t drive much because I live in the city but after Saturday night I’ve decided that for the sake of the population in general it’s time for me to bite the bullet and get some specs. You see I had to drive to a friend’s place in the dark which was OK until it started to rain and then I started driving like one of those grannies I always laugh at who are hunched over the steering wheel peering out the windscreen while doing 40 in an 80 zone. Just give me a hat and a Volvo baby! There I was waving people past me while I tried to see the exit I had to take while muttering “maniac” under my breath when someone zoomed past me. That’s when I realise that I left the house as me and then somehow, somewhere in the middle of the Harbour Bridge the bodysnatchers came and replaced me with my mother. I opened my mouth and out popped my mum – I swear. Now watch me pull a rabbit out of my….where was I?
Oh yes, the memory thing. I’m also forgetting things way more often than I like and doing goofy stuff...well goofier than normal. Abovementioned friend had a book on her coffee table and I commented that I had read it and she asked me if I had read another book by the same author and offered to loan it to me. Great, saves me a few bucks. On the way out I not only took the book she loaned me but forgetting I had picked it up and put it in my bag I picked up the book she was reading (anybody could have made the mistake, the covers do look alike) and walked off with her book too. So now I’m a cranky nanna driver and a demented senile book thief. Still, not as bad as the time I got ¾ of the way to work thinking “I know I’ve forgotten something” only to discover it was my knickers. Breezy day that one. Oh and for the person I work with who I know will be reading this, I’m really sorry for the imagery, should I bring bandages for when you gouge your own eyes out?
Anyway, it does have its perks though. I’m what you would call hopelessly broke at the moment so I have been trying some creative bill shuffling. It seems when I shuffled I lost a few cards and am seriously short of a full deck. So where are these perks you ask? Perk one: I got a call from my phone provider nicely asking me in the soothing tones one uses with people that lose their marbles to stop paying my bill for a few months because I’ve been double paying since Christmas. I was told that usually the billing department calls people to tell them to pay not to stop and although it was a nice change I was messing with their accounting systems. So no phone or internet bills for a couple of months – yay!
Perk two: I forgot to renew my roadside assistance so they called me with a gentle reminder to pay up and to give me an incentive to renew, also threw in a petrol voucher. Perk three: I buy a lot of books through an online store and I haven’t purchased for a while so they gave me a nice discount off my next purchase. So it seems I’m getting paid for going senile. Woohoo! I’m trying to figure out how I can make this work for me but I keep forgetting what I was thinking about.
To quote Mark Twain “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most”.
I'm sure soon instead of conjuring up images of funky display seating at Ikea, the term stool samples will take on a whole new scary meaning *shudder*. I'm already comparing ailments with friends close to the same age and I swear I'm starting to creak when I move. Can you WD40 a hip?
Well I’m off to get food but….dude, where’s my car?
This pretty much sums up how fast life flies by. It's pretty bloody funny too!
I have noticed recently that my eyesight is getting pretty shabby. I used to wear glasses for distance a number of years ago and then – tada – out of the blue my vision was much better and the glasses were ditched but now it seems that going blind isn’t nearly as much fun as getting blind. Who knew? My depth perception in the dark has been ever so slightly changing so that when I’m driving at night I’m moving a little further away from parked cars because it’s getting harder to judge the distance and I have an aversion to sideswiping someone’s precious Beemer with my junky Laser.
I don’t drive much because I live in the city but after Saturday night I’ve decided that for the sake of the population in general it’s time for me to bite the bullet and get some specs. You see I had to drive to a friend’s place in the dark which was OK until it started to rain and then I started driving like one of those grannies I always laugh at who are hunched over the steering wheel peering out the windscreen while doing 40 in an 80 zone. Just give me a hat and a Volvo baby! There I was waving people past me while I tried to see the exit I had to take while muttering “maniac” under my breath when someone zoomed past me. That’s when I realise that I left the house as me and then somehow, somewhere in the middle of the Harbour Bridge the bodysnatchers came and replaced me with my mother. I opened my mouth and out popped my mum – I swear. Now watch me pull a rabbit out of my….where was I?
Oh yes, the memory thing. I’m also forgetting things way more often than I like and doing goofy stuff...well goofier than normal. Abovementioned friend had a book on her coffee table and I commented that I had read it and she asked me if I had read another book by the same author and offered to loan it to me. Great, saves me a few bucks. On the way out I not only took the book she loaned me but forgetting I had picked it up and put it in my bag I picked up the book she was reading (anybody could have made the mistake, the covers do look alike) and walked off with her book too. So now I’m a cranky nanna driver and a demented senile book thief. Still, not as bad as the time I got ¾ of the way to work thinking “I know I’ve forgotten something” only to discover it was my knickers. Breezy day that one. Oh and for the person I work with who I know will be reading this, I’m really sorry for the imagery, should I bring bandages for when you gouge your own eyes out?
Anyway, it does have its perks though. I’m what you would call hopelessly broke at the moment so I have been trying some creative bill shuffling. It seems when I shuffled I lost a few cards and am seriously short of a full deck. So where are these perks you ask? Perk one: I got a call from my phone provider nicely asking me in the soothing tones one uses with people that lose their marbles to stop paying my bill for a few months because I’ve been double paying since Christmas. I was told that usually the billing department calls people to tell them to pay not to stop and although it was a nice change I was messing with their accounting systems. So no phone or internet bills for a couple of months – yay!
Perk two: I forgot to renew my roadside assistance so they called me with a gentle reminder to pay up and to give me an incentive to renew, also threw in a petrol voucher. Perk three: I buy a lot of books through an online store and I haven’t purchased for a while so they gave me a nice discount off my next purchase. So it seems I’m getting paid for going senile. Woohoo! I’m trying to figure out how I can make this work for me but I keep forgetting what I was thinking about.
To quote Mark Twain “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most”.
I'm sure soon instead of conjuring up images of funky display seating at Ikea, the term stool samples will take on a whole new scary meaning *shudder*. I'm already comparing ailments with friends close to the same age and I swear I'm starting to creak when I move. Can you WD40 a hip?
Well I’m off to get food but….dude, where’s my car?
This pretty much sums up how fast life flies by. It's pretty bloody funny too!
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
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Artist Quirk
that video was f...king amazing!
Comment by RubySoho
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Comment by Cheryl J
Funny Videos
Rhythmatism
Zentertainment
It's OK Ruby, I saw a blog today mentioning the resurgence of platform shoes where the writer went on to say she had been there the first time around...with the Spice Girls. I almost wet my pants. I was there for the 1970s version - just. Yes, there were platforms and flares before Ginger and Posh came along. Shock horror and now The Verve is an oldie. Oh I need an aspirin and a good lie down.
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
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It's not only the 'older' as you'll learn or are learning.
I've been catching people out on those misconceptions for years.
And my eyesight seems to be doing much better than yours. Sorry. I'm addicted to TRUTH.
Comment by Anne Tootill
The Female View
Comment by Roni Askey-Doran
... writes a shopping list so I don't forget what to buy, then can't remember where I put the list...
... walks into a room and can't remember why I went there...
... opens the refridgerator and can't recall what it was I was going to eat...
... forgets my own birthday...
... has to retrace my steps to find keys, sunglasses, purse...
And once, when I was travelling in Asia, I forgot which country I was in!
As my dad often says: "Happiness is good health and a bad memory"
Comment by Cheryl J
Funny Videos
Rhythmatism
Zentertainment
Good for you that you still have 20/20! I think my need for glasses is more genetic than anything else, although I'm sure 15 hours a day in front of a computer screen has burnt my retinas beyond recognition. Your comment about the truth has me confused though?
I love this, it's been doing the rounds for a while now and I think it's a fabulous philosophy:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!
Now that I'm getting older I'm thinking I'm going to use the Rolling Stones as role models, they're still kicking along well and have subsisted on a diet of sex and drugs and rock and roll. My contribution to the list will be pizza
Hi Anne, it's such a clever vid isn't it? What a great ad. Now I'm going to have to go on a mission to find the ad agency behind it. Glad it made you giggle!
Roni, that cracked me up. I've done all of the above except forget which country I'm in! I'm guessing you were traveling a bit at the time. I know when bands are touring they'll often have the name of the town they're in taped to the song list so they know where they are.
Your fridge bit is funny, my sister-in-law thinks it's just a mental deficiency entirely within the confines of my family because both my brother and I open the fridge door and gaze into it wondering what the hell we were looking for. I'll have to tell her others do it too.
I love your dad's attitude, he sounds like a wise man