Cheryl JI Am The Technical Typhoid Mary
April 7th 2008 05:16
I have decided that I am the Typhoid Mary of computers at the moment. Every one that I touch seems to come down with some sort of IT pox. My laptop has slowed to a crawl, almost every time I have tried to logon to myspace over the past few days I get a 'technical error' message leaving me unable to access my home page time after time (now I know how Dorothy felt – there is no place like home), but then to cap it off this morning I started my computer at work to find that all of my external hardware had gone on strike.
I had to get the very helpful boys from the helpdesk to spend 2.5 hours searching my computer and crawling around under my desk trying to figure out how it all went so terribly wrong. Did my computer catch bird flu or some sort of software Ebola? Not that they could find. Which leads me to the inevitable conclusion that they don't work simply because I have the computer version of Errol Flynn disease, which means basically, everything I touch I fuck
.
But maybe my laptop is slow because it's old and tired, hence the crawl, and my new hardware and software at work had a spat. I think over the weekend my brand new whiz-bang printer/scanner/copier/fax machine, which is obviously very good at multi-tasking, had an argument with my security sign in pass system and now they refuse to play together. Where last week they happily co-existed and I dymo printed security labels like a dynamo while scanning photos and printing out my mother's birthday party invitations…shhh, don't tell anyone that…this morning when I tried to use both they stopped talking altogether: to me, to my computer, and to each other. So much so, the techie boys had to put one of them on a separate network. I think it's like giving it a time out in the corner for being a selfish Sally and trying to hog so much of my time. I was after all paying it far more attention than my label maker because it's so shiny and new and does so many more interesting things.
Alas I must go now because I just got some weird error message on my computer saying 'A script in this movie is causing Adobe 9 to run slowly. If it continues to run your computer may become unresponsive' which is disturbing because all I have open is email and Word. Perhaps if it is running slowly I should give it some caffeine or sugar? If it becomes unresponsive I don't know how to give it CPR (computer program resuscitation), they don't teach you that at St John's Ambulance training. Maybe I should just poke it with a very sharp stick.
Oh my God, now it's losing its virtual memory. My computer has cooties and Alzheimer's. I will attempt to cut and paste this into the blogosphere before my system crashes again. But just in case I am the Typhoid Mary of the technical world I suggest you all wash your hands thoroughly with Dettol when you have finished reading this blog. After all you never can be too careful.
I had to get the very helpful boys from the helpdesk to spend 2.5 hours searching my computer and crawling around under my desk trying to figure out how it all went so terribly wrong. Did my computer catch bird flu or some sort of software Ebola? Not that they could find. Which leads me to the inevitable conclusion that they don't work simply because I have the computer version of Errol Flynn disease, which means basically, everything I touch I fuck
.
But maybe my laptop is slow because it's old and tired, hence the crawl, and my new hardware and software at work had a spat. I think over the weekend my brand new whiz-bang printer/scanner/copier/fax machine, which is obviously very good at multi-tasking, had an argument with my security sign in pass system and now they refuse to play together. Where last week they happily co-existed and I dymo printed security labels like a dynamo while scanning photos and printing out my mother's birthday party invitations…shhh, don't tell anyone that…this morning when I tried to use both they stopped talking altogether: to me, to my computer, and to each other. So much so, the techie boys had to put one of them on a separate network. I think it's like giving it a time out in the corner for being a selfish Sally and trying to hog so much of my time. I was after all paying it far more attention than my label maker because it's so shiny and new and does so many more interesting things.
Alas I must go now because I just got some weird error message on my computer saying 'A script in this movie is causing Adobe 9 to run slowly. If it continues to run your computer may become unresponsive' which is disturbing because all I have open is email and Word. Perhaps if it is running slowly I should give it some caffeine or sugar? If it becomes unresponsive I don't know how to give it CPR (computer program resuscitation), they don't teach you that at St John's Ambulance training. Maybe I should just poke it with a very sharp stick.
Oh my God, now it's losing its virtual memory. My computer has cooties and Alzheimer's. I will attempt to cut and paste this into the blogosphere before my system crashes again. But just in case I am the Typhoid Mary of the technical world I suggest you all wash your hands thoroughly with Dettol when you have finished reading this blog. After all you never can be too careful.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by The Old Man
Compelled Christian
I used to have that same problem back in the late 90's...
The other thing is, I really do not like the way you think it is alright to use bad and imoral vulgar wrong langage in your stories, and articles...To me such things are as bad as a streaker running on to the cricket pitch during the last day of the Ashes Test with Brittain...or a grand slam match at Wimbledon Tennis Courts. It is just not to be done.
Please have mercy on all of us who really do not want to hear, read or see, smell or touch such things...please....if you must be a vulgar brat...do it by your self out in the middle of a very large padock where only the birds and the angels and God can hear you, and not on these web sites.
Your story would mhave been much more enjoyable if you had of left such bad and vulgar language out of it.
I work with alot of alkies and addicts every day, and I hear that stuff far too often and it has takem me two years to get them to the point where they just say S--t, or bloody hell.. nad even dam it... smile their emphasis is as real but with just a slight differecne in focus. And now they are alot beter behaved with them selves and towards each other and them selves...you would be amazed at just how much more calmer and self satisified they are these days, simply because they had turned the corner and had stoped using such bad and vulgar language where ever they were.
How about trying it for your self, and go on a no swearing diet for six weeks and see how much more better you feel...towards yourself and others around you...smile.
cheerio for now, and I look forward to reading more of your stuff...hopefully...smile.
sincerely The Old Man.
Comment by Cheryl J
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And to Old Man. Thank you for the critique, it is something I will bear in mind. Sometimes, as above, I think the profanity fit the sentence but I can definitely see your point about the proliferation of swear words in the general language. I'm not always a potty mouth and I do hope you'll come back for more posts
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